Not only do you get to live with the republicans and talk about how those damn democrats won’t let us privatize social security so we can make boat loads of money while the lower income and poor pay for it, but you also get that wonderful benefit of uniformity and consistency.Ĭamera one zooms in on a conversation coming from the mini van driving slowly down the road: Tune in next post for part 2 – appearance where the points double… Don’t even think about answering that one even if you do google your birthday to figure it out! They never said “when” and even if you’ve always had that beer gut, you can claim that it’s not your fault that you have high levels of cortisol that nasty little stress hormone that causes excess belly fat. “Rippling muscles with a generously hung love muscle” isn’t on the list. Which best describes your body type? Don’t bother to even look. You can always claim confusion with the metric system conversions later. You don’t want to be taken for “short guys disease”. Come on you definitely want to include the Swedish supermodel volleyball playing cheerleaders, right?
I mean, coincidentally, the world is already round, sounds like a perfect circle to me! Yes, let’s use 4000 miles.
Fantastical sandwich drawing zip#
This is where we get to draw a big circle around our zip code. Face it, they are going to outlive you anyway this way they will still have the mental capacity so that they can change your diaper when you are 80 and you won’t have to trust that task to some unusual intern at the assisted living village if you know what I mean. You should put five years younger than your real age. So you’re in your late 40s? Well you better not be putting 18 as your low range you perverted sicko! No, we will only allow you to go as low as 25 that way they are at least in a slightly better car insurance bracket and you don’t have to support them through college. I mean, if you are gay, why would you be on match anyway gays date the same sex they don’t need some complex computer medium to figure out what the hell the opposite sex is looking for anyway! Bonus round: You also get to specify age range. Who are you looking for? Arrgh! Another pre-determined format. Yeah, it’s got good sympathy points there but they might catch on to that spousal murder rap! No, misery loves company, just use “Divorced” like everyone else. Let them find that nightmare out later! Watch out for “Widowed” though. Who made these pre-determined choices for us? Ok, but don’t go with “Not Married” they’ll think you are a total loser that isn’t mature. I don’t even see “Angry and vindictive” or “Married and completely ignored” on there. “Whacking off while eating a Swanson’s manly man dinner and watching porn” is somehow not on their list.
What is your relationship status? Oh, this is a tough one. Hmmm, now it’s asking us to fill out stuff…
Gentlemen, might I suggest FORMER-LOSER-ATHLETE-TURNED-BEERGUT-UGLY-TEMPERMENTAL-TERROR? Yeah, you’re right, it’s too long it’ll never fit in the field they provide. That leaves you with one choice: honesty. Of course, some 7 year old hacker has written a program to use up every conceivable good one known to mankind. Ok, first you have to make up some clever catchy username. Hey, I know, let’s build a profile together? How fun will that be?
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